Dragons and Dads

When I was 11 years old, I remember coming home from Jr. High and having my dad say he wanted to talk to my sister and me. I don't remember much of the actual conversation specifically. But it was then that I realized that my parents were getting divorced...that all of the threats of this action had finally culminated and that this was the real deal. Looking back, it's really strange that I learned that from my dad.

I love my dad and really always have. It's just that throughout my life, even before the divorce, he hasn't been there too much. I mean, he's been there physically just not so much emotionally and all...you know, to help me grow up into a man. Instead, I was mostly raised by my mom, sister, and grandma. [No wonder I feel messed up sometimes -- just kidding mom!]

This reality is hard for a boy...and as I have come to find out, it is hard for a man to look back and not have a dad going through life with him. This is what led me to this book about owning dragons. Donald Miller, definitely one of my favorite authors, decided to write this book after dealing with this issue in his life. And like his other books, it's just like he's taking you along for the ride through his journey...a journey marked by his statement that for him owning a dragon was about as likely as him having a dad.

A couple points for me sharing intimate details of my life...

1. If you're in the same boat, pickup this book.
2. I have learned again and again, and maybe most deeply through Miller, how God is fathering me. The love, the discipline, the mercy, the leading...it's all Him guiding me through the mysteries of life helping me become the man He wants me to be.
3. I want to publicly acknowledge that I don't have to have the approval of people I might perceive as father figures around me. I have this thing in me, I think, that needs peoples' approval...especially "older, wiser" men. I wouldn't have thought of it before reading the "dragon book" but it really is there. In a sense, I guess what's happening is that I'm still looking for the praise of my dad. Instead, I am putting it out there (I think this is called accountability or something) for the world to hear that my worth, my "praise" need only come from my Heavenly Father. This is a tough one to work on...but the shift in perspective is hopefully slowly coming.
4. I'm good enough...smart enough...and gosh darnit people like me (ok, this is actually from Saturday Night Live, but I couldn't resist).

That's not it from the "dragon book" but that's a little snapshot into my mind. That's what blogging is for anyway, right? Maybe some of you out there in cyberworld can really feel what I'm talking about. We men need to learn to deal with some of these tough, emotional issues so that we can really begin to reap out of life all that our true Dad wants for us. It's not easy, but we are promised again and again that He will always be with us...loving us, guiding us, fathering us.