The games we play

I'm reading a new'ish Ed Young, Jr. book called You!. In Chapter 3 he just got through talking about "dangerous games we play to mask our scarred self-esteem." I read these few pages thinking a lot about how uncomfortably familiar I am with the rules of these games. In order to remember them well I thought the best way would be to write a bit about them.

Game 1 - The Comparison Game
Intro: The basics are simple. Check out everything about everyone and see how those things compare with me. What do they have, how do they dress, what kind of job/position do they have, how much money do they make, how behaved are their kids, how fit are they...need I go on?
Possible Outcome #1: Self-esteem takes a nose dive. We discover that "they" have it a lot better than me and I will never be able to get that which "they" have. *phew* Thus, they rock - I suck. This is flawed because it puts a bigger emphasis on my exterior than on my interior, something God is definitely not in favor of.
Possible Outcome #2: "we might book ourselves on an ego trip." Comparing ourselves to "them" we might decide that we are so much better, have more, etc that we deserve to be praised for it all. This is flawed as we are instructed to boast only in the Lord, not in ourselves (2 Cor 10:17).

Game 2 - The Criticism Game
Intro: Learn to pick apart anything and everything.
Option 1: Criticize ourselves. We find ways to rip ourselves apart in an attempt to garner attention and subsequent praise from the people around us. It's this sense of false criticism we use to get people to fire praise back in our direction. Might go like this (this is a true scenario too...or not):

• You: Boy, you look great today.
• Me: I feel like I look like, uh, crud.
• You: No, really...you look fabulous...great tie, sharp suit, incredible top hat!
• Me: Oh, tell me more!

Option 2: Criticize others. We can nitpick every little thing that anyone else does trying to get a leg up on them. It's easy, let's try it.

• Me: What does he have on? Call the fashion police!
• Me: Please, she can't sing.
• Me: You call that a tithe?!
• Me: I could've preached a sermon like that in 3rd grade!
• Me: Good job, I volunteered three times as much last month!
• ...get the picture? Good, that was getting too fun!

Flaw: I like Ed's comment on the criticism game: "...it's a disguise when we criticize. Negative criticism is just an attempt to cover the festering wounds in our own self-esteem. it also makes a mockery of God's creative genius. We're saying that some of his creation is worthy of our admiration while some falls short. It is simply a losing game to do that, because God created each person to be unique.

Honestly, openly, admittedly I struggle with self-esteem problems. I think a lot of it...so much of it that it's hard to even talk about...comes from being picked on as a kid for being chubby. That has led to a problem with always feeling overweight and at times being pretty radical with that (although never any disease-related problems, thankfully). But this impacts a lot of life and my perceptions with how people see me. I'm sure that many of you know what I'm talking about although maybe your struggles might have different sources.

As a good step toward recovery we can keep these games in our mind. At times we can seem to really be enjoying ourselves when we're playing. But after the rest of the players go home we know the truth, don't we. Instead of continuing to play we need to run to our Father...I need to run to Him when I'm struggling and hear what He tells me. I need to read of His love for me...of how He wants to care for me...my Groom who has gone to prepare a place for me and is one day coming back. All that matters is how He sees me and that I am living as focused on Him as possible!