Endurance

I've been running a lot lately. I used to say that my body wasn't built for running. And while there are still days when I think that's true, I really enjoy it. It's taken me several months to build up to being able to run anywhere from 40-60 minutes without stopping. I remember the days when 10 minutes was a stretch! An hour is a major accomplishment.

It's all about building endurance, a process which takes a lot of time, energy, and commitment. Consistently I've had to build up my mileage and my time in order to get to this point (and compared to many I'm a running lightweight). At times it hurts. But it has led to me having a much better ability to keep going long after I would've thrown in the towel before...something I need when I'm out playing soccer with my son!

Thinking about our adoption situation the other day, it became clear to me that one of the things God is doing in us is building our spiritual endurance. This, just like with running, requires a lot of time, spent energy, and steadfast commitment in our faith. But what is beautiful is that it allows us to get through future challenges without being so easily "winded"...without putting so much physical, emotional, or spiritual strain on us.

Honestly I think this has been the most challenging season of my life...even more so than some of the tough years of my childhood after my parents separated. But God is obviously working amid the crises, building us up as the world continually tries to wear us out and steal away from us everything that is precious. The fact that we can see that truth at all shows that we've made progress...that we're way past the 10-minute run.

I did a search on biblegateway.com for the word endurance in the New Testament (NLT). If you'd like to check out the results, they're here.

I also did a search on blueletterbible.org, looking into the Greek word used in most of these passages. If you're interested in checking that out, go here.

Adoption update

The latest....

I spoke with our "friend" Ewa from the embassy this morning. She has been so much help. It's incredibly refreshing to get help from someone you don't know in this world where courtesy and customer service don't exist. Anyway, she spoke with Dr. Passini (director of TPD adoption agency in Warsaw) Friday. Dr. P said that she will not be changing her mind about us. She said that we used an unrecognized US agency and an unrecognized social worker to do our home study. Ewa asked, "if that was the case then what if they worked with a different agency from the states?" Dr. P said "I don't know." That doesn't sound like someone interested in working with us for the good of the kids.

Further, Ewa was able to reach our lawyer (something we can't normally do) to talk about all of this. They determined that the embassy will write a letter addressed to the courts in support of the agency and the social worker we used in order to firm out the validity of those entities. Our lawyer said he would be going to speak face-to-face with the judge (hopefully this week) about everything so that we can have an idea what the judge is thinking.

We're not doing too great with all of this. Just to be straight with you all it is verging on too much to handle. It's difficult keeping an upbeat attitude with the kids when the possibility of them being taken away exists. They continue to ask what is going on with the process, afraid that something is going to break down even though everyone who has contact with them assures them not to worry.

So, our latest prayer priority seems to be our lawyer's meeting with the judge. Pray for these two men...Bogdan (our lawyer) and the judge.

I was touched by what happened directly after Jesus finished the sermon on the mount. In Mt 8 we read how a man with leprosy approached Jesus when he was walking down the mountainside and said "If you want to, you can make me well again." Jesus said "I want to." I want so badly to hear that from him. Maybe we will hear his voice soon.

Today

I've always been a planner, a strategist. I like to "see the future" and get to work on finding the best way(s) to get there. This is true with so many aspects of my life and sometimes it's a good thing, while maybe more times it's not.

I'm preaching at Genesis this morning on Mt 6:25-34. This is the part in the sermon on the mount where Jesus is teaching us about focusing on today rather than worrying needlessly about the things of "tomorrow". These are simple, yet powerful words. I've even thought about just reading them and being done. What can I bring to the teachings of Jesus?

To make matters worse, I will be preaching about something with which I have an incredible difficult time. Man how Jesus is right (obvious huh?) about not worrying about tomorrow because of today having its own share of problems. But I find myself, over and over, fixing my gaze on all of the tomorrow's in my life. They are escapes. They bring me hope.

The problem with this, though, is that tomorrow is never mine. I don't own tomorrow to plan out and to place my hope in. I am not fed by the Holy Spirit in any tomorrow (our manna is given to us daily...not in lump sums). We are given today, this moment.

As cliche as it has become, the writers of Dead Poet's Society hit the jackpot with the phrase "Carpe Diem"...seize the day. That is precisely what Jesus calls us to do...seize the day. Focus on what is here, happening right now. Focus on the blessings that God has given us and is giving us now. Focus on what we can do to make The Kingdom come on earth now.

It's interesting how with all of this adoption stuff going on we have such a hard time living in and just enjoying "now". We have become worried with the possibilities that lurk in the future, specifically of the chance (however slight) that the kids could be taken away. And these worries, quite against Jesus' teaching, only serve to cripple us "today". They steal our joy and zap our strength. They blind us from seeing what God is doing...from seeing His many touches on our lives. They even steal precious moments from us with the kids...more worried about the future than about ensuring that we have awesome, quality time with them today!

Never before, that I can remember, have I preached about something so close to home. Really it will likely turn out to be much like this blog post than a polished, manicured message...which is not a bad thing at all. This is a tough topic and my guess is that many people go through life grappling with the same issue...always waiting for tomorrow...for the next thing. I...we...have to figure out how to deal with this so that we can experience the kind of life Jesus wants for us...today.

What is happening?

If this story was an episode of "Lost" then that is what it would be titled, "What is happening?" You would follow the characters to a new part of the island where they were led to believe that they might find the key piece of information that could ultimately lead to the resolution of their problem...getting off the island. There would be a big build up...intensity...drama...excitement. But, as is typical on Lost, the characters would quickly find out that they had gone through their latest adventure with no result...maybe only further frustration and disappointment. However, before the last bong (followed by the title appearing) you would see a glimmer, albeit faint, of hope in Kate's eyes as she dreamed of how their next adventure might get them home.

In case you're bad at reading between the lines let me help you. We arrived at this day thinking that we were going to get some specific information that would point us down one of two roads (one great and the other crummy). However, there was another option out there that we hadn't seen...that the judge would decide to do nothing. Yeah, that's right.

This is where we are friends...the judge told the kids' case worker to tell us to tell our lawyer (fun ride isn't it?!) that he should go to Warsaw and have a face-to-face meeting with the director of the TPD adoption agency in order to ask a simple question: "What's it going to take to get these guys a favorable opinion?"

We are greatly disappointed that the judge does not see fit to exercise his authority and make this decision without this lady in Warsaw. She has, on several occasions now, shown that she is not willing or interested in working with us. It is obviously in the tone of her letters and phone calls that she is not concerned with these kids. What could she be concerned with? What is the real issue? What will it take? And what if she flat doesn't change her mind? What then?

So, that's it. The journey to the other side of the island has yielded some very weary bodies...not much more than that. There remains the very faint, almost indistinguishable glimmer of hope in our eyes, but I guess we'll stay tuned for the next episode to see what exciting new adventures might develop.

[B-O-N-G rings and credits roll]

What's new? A ton!

Today seems like a mammoth day in the life of our adoption process. We received "the letter" yesterday from the Warsaw agency. This time the director's problem is with the guy that did our home study and with the US agency that wrote the recommendation letter for us, making us eligible to adopt internationally. The Warsaw agency director stated that the gentleman that did our home study was not licensed and thus we are not eligible. She further proposed that this matter be turned over to the government...to the ministry of work and social politics (the ministry that oversees her agency).

I say that today is a big day because the kids' case worker is meeting with the judge this afternoon. Honestly we see only two courses of action: (1) the judge make a decision or (2) everything go to the government level. There is nothing else that could possibly be gained by going back to this same agency. Even if we were to do everything over (crazy...absolutely crazy) it is unthinkable to consider that she would change her mind about us. It's too obvious that she has other motives.

The other option, sending our case to the ministry, seems like it could really be a bad move. This wing of government is responsible for setting up these public adoption agencies in Warsaw who hold the responsibility (again, given by the Polish govt) to qualify prospective adoptive parents and then make matches between those parents and kids. It seems unlikely that they would rule against one of the two directors in the country which they have endorsed....especially when they are so completely disconnected from the reality of our situation (they don't know us, the kids, their case worker....no one).

By the time any of you read this it will be likely that we'll already have some word back from the meeting today with the judge. I just felt like writing this morning as I've been sitting here at my desk looking this letter over and over for awhile. I continue to be shocked at how someone can fabricate such ridiculous lies in order to ruin other peoples' lives like this...no heart, no regard for anyone, no ethics. It's sad...sad for her that her life is like that and sad for all of us b/c we all feel so helpless.

After we got this news yesterday and Vicki and I were talking about it all I was reminded of so much of Jesus' teachings on the Kingdom in Mt 5-7...how God cares so much for the birds of the air and the lilies of the field and how, if that is true, He cares for us all the more! We are not assured of a good outcome in this. But we are assured the we are not alone. We are assured that our Abba is with us, strengthens us, fights for us, and will comfort us if that is needed.

What a day.

Some thoughts after Alpha last night

We are one week away from finishing our first run at the Alpha Course with our small group of 4 couples. The material isn't meant to go on this long but with holidays, vacations, people getting sick, etc our 15 weeks have been stretched out considerably.

Last night was a great night...maybe one of the best so far when it comes to discussion. Unfortunately our good friends Tomek and Damaris couldn't be with us as Tomek's dad is still in critical condition in the hospital in Wroclaw. Of course their absence meant that the responsibility for guiding and "deepening" the conversation fell on Vicki and me...that responsibility became greater when the DVD wouldn't play and we were instead forced to talk through the material.

Last night's topic was concerning the Church, our understandings of it, our participation in it, etc. Thankfully everybody was extremely talkative and everyone contributed a great deal to our discussion. The most rewarding aspect was how we began talking about things that are found in the churches we have been a part of which are not necessarily found in Scripture. This is a difficult subject...especially for an outsider to lead because it can become quite easy to enter into an "us/them" debate rather than meaningful, constructive conversation.

What I realized, though, was that my friends in this group (and Poles in general) are not alone in their blind trust in whatever they are being told from the pulpit in their churches. We, as American evangelicals, can find ourselves in a similar position...trusting our "clergy" over and above what is actually written in God's Word. In thinking this way I am not challenging our churches' doctrines or theology but rather challenging us, THE CHURCH, to test those things that we hold closest to in our denominations against what is actually taught/written in the Bible.

That was my final challenge last night. I realized that the Holy Spirit is vastly more capable to teach through the power of the Word than I am. So, I challenged everyone to study the Scripture passages given in our material together with their spouse...to dig into God's Word and discover what He intended when the Church was established...not what a Baptist missionary intends...not what a Catholic priest intends...not what they think, but what is real, straight from God Himself.

I was watching a report on CNN International this week where a congressman was being interviewed about his "fight" to get the 10 Commandments displayed somewhere in the Capitol building. I sat there in awe when the interviewer asked him if he could list the 10 Commandments. He didn't name one. Isn't it interesting how we can become so dogmatic simply about being dogmatic?!

This is definitely a challenge for all of us. In Acts 17:11 we read about how the people studied God's Word daily to ensure that what they were being told was true. For many many years Poles couldn't search the Scriptures. Bibles weren't available and it was taught that priests were the only ones enabled by God to read and interpret Scripture. Humbly I would submit that this tragedy has led to several generations being in the dark about the reality of God's Church...about His Kingdom. And it is a long road toward rediscovery of these truths.

Finally let me just say again, maybe more emphatically, that Polish Catholics are not the only ones that need to re-analyze the picture of the Church given to us in the New Testament. Us evangelicals have not exactly hit the mark in the states where so many churches are preoccupied with numeric growth in order to fuel swollen salaries and fringe benefits for professional clergy...where well-known church growth researchers make comments about how the Holy Spirit could be taken out of churches on Saturday and no one would notice on Sundays...where people attend church on Sunday out of obligation only to live out the other 6 days of the week as every other citizen of the world...where divorce rates in the church are sometimes higher than those outside...need I go on?

We are fallen people living in a fallen world and I want to give no impression of having personally, professionally, denominationally, or otherwise attained some level of accomplishment and righteousness. Let us all together leave everything to seek God's Kingdom first. That is such a terrifically simplex (my new word for simple yet complex) concept that puts us all on level ground...working together to see God's reality expand in the here and now, as well as for eternity.

What's on my mind this morning?

I should have added "...besides the adoption" in the title. I closed the door to the office this morning and have been thinking. Figured I'd share in case you were interested.

(1) Mt 21:33-46 - Story of the Evil Farmers
First, I've got to say that I love how Jesus didn't answer the people questioning him earlier in vs 23-27. Sometimes I read passages like that and I just wish I could have been there to witness him firsthand. The Creator in the flesh. Try to go head to head with the author of wisdom.

I've just been thinking and doing some reading about this story Jesus told about the farmers. It's really beautiful, yet (thinking of the right word) saddening. It's interesting how Jesus paints such a vivid picture of the current reality (applicable both then and now) in God's Kingdom and the listeners are so slow to get it. In a sense they called for their own death sentence in vs 41.

Verse 43 also brings about many thoughts concerning the future of a nation that has enjoyed, seemingly, God's blessing for many years only to be turning from Him to a greater extent daily.

(2) Thinking/praying about Adam
The father of our pastor and close friend here in Poznan has fallen very ill with viral meningitis (we think) and doctors have told the family that his life is in God's hands. They told the family Saturday that he has a 30% chance of recovery. One might say that if he were to pass away that this was just his time. But on this side of death we always pray for quick recovery...that God would heal him (or whoever we are praying for) and allow them to continue living.

My thoughts this morning, though, concern the spiritual battle aspect of this event. Adam is a leading figure in the Baptist (and not only) world in Poland and amongst other things has done some very significant work ministering to other pastors and their families throughout the country. I've just been thinking about whether or not Satan has the ability to bring about death...thus, from his perspective, taking one of God's champions out of the game. This would obviously be the extreme end of spiritual warfare.

I've done some reading in some commentaries which examine Satan's roles in various biblical contexts and the thing that always rings true is that God reigns supreme in His Kingdom. For instance with poor Job, Satan was given permission to afflict. He did not have carte blanche to do what he liked. And when he wanted to afflict Job personally, physically, he had to gain further permission. But he was at least involved in the deaths of Job's family members, although it is not clear whether he caused their specific deaths or if he was just involved in the process leading to those deaths (see the difference?).

I guess I'm thinking about all of this just considering how to pray most effectively. God reigns. His dominion is unending. His ways, His plans, are so out of our realm of understanding that we cannot fathom what He is bringing about through the death of one and the birth of another. But that does not get us off the hook...we can't just throw our arms up and say "ok, I won't ever get it so I'm not even going to get involved." For even though God is the Almighty...the Alpha and Omega...He is still our heavenly daddy. Talk about incomprehensible.

God's covenant (the Word) is full of references pointing to His desire to be personal with us and us with Him. He is not, as deists would believe, sitting in some high, far-off removed place from us. He is here, now, involved, active. But admittedly it is difficult to know how to interact sometimes in this tangible, substantive world in which we live.

All of this, I suppose, to say that I'm praying for Adam's recovery so that (as I read yesterday in Psalm 30) he can go on praising God...through words and more importantly through his life. I am sure that there are other things, things unseen, at play here...not because I'm superstitious but because I believe that this world is fallen and that the enemy works to undo the lives of those that belong to Christ -- because those lives, along with others that they can touch, are a direct threat to his efforts. The beauty is that there is no chance that he can claim victory. In fact, others have already received the Gospel in the hospital from visiting family and friends!!

Finding meaning/purpose abroad

"Without human society, they don't know who they are anymore. It seems that we humans were designed to find our purpose and meaning not simply in ourselves and in our own inner lives, but in one another and in the shared meanings and purposes of a family, a street, a workplace, a community, a town, a nation."

This is a quote from N.T. Wright's Simply Christian which emphasizes our need for community. The beginning of the quote is referring to someone that might decide to live a solitary life (in this case his example was a prisoner) and thus loses the ability to "know who they are anymore".

Reading these few sentences this morning reminded me of my post about missionaries yesterday. You see, those indicators that I wrote about seemingly become replacements for a few of those aspects that Wright listed which help us understand ourselves and "find our purpose and meaning." Why is that? Because when we transplant ourselves from the states to a foreign culture we lose much of our family (at least the proximity and contact), we lose our street, our familiar workplace (and workplace "structure"), our community, our town, and even our nation.

It is true that missionaries, and others residing abroad, can rebuild some of these aspects of life. But what we have found is that (1) it takes a long time to establish these things again, (2) they will remain "foreign" for a long time...after all we can do a lot of things like the Poles but we will never be Polish and (3) missionaries, at least, move a lot and thus have to re-establish all of this "life context" again wherever they end up.

No, I'm not inviting you to some pity party. Just figured this was a natural continuation from yesterday's more sarcastic post.

Lord's Prayer

As an addendum to his book, Brian McLaren published a bonus chapter for The Secret Message of Jesus that is only available as a download. It deals with a "Kingdom interpretation" of Jesus' model prayer that is well worth the time to read and ponder it.

In Poland this prayer is often recited after taking the Lord's Supper at church. But it is sadly evident that the words have lost the power that Jesus intended. More, it appears anyway, the recitation is just what happens after. "It's just what we do." Maybe this prayer has lost its meaning for you too.

If you'd like to get a fresh perspective on this beautiful, powerful prayer then I'd recommend checking out McLaren's bonus chapter.

Preaching in Polish

It's like the holy grail...talked about a lot among missionaries but so inaccessible, so elusive. There are certain things that we missionaries like to use to gauge our journey as "real missionaries". I think that sometimes this life is just so difficult and unstable (ever-changing) that we don't have a lot to hold onto...we don't have much that allows us to evaluate ourselves and our lives as we did in the states. So, we find these indicators and setup a sort of hierarchical structure that evaluates our "indigeousness"...the level at which we've integrated into our host culture.

This is a question that gets asked pretty often among our colleagues..."have you preached in Polish yet?" For those who have it sometimes feels like they feel they've "made it" and the others of us who have just used translation are still green...we're the newbies that will make it someday (just keep prodding along little camper). If you're curious a few other indicators might be if you have swapped your lunch and dinner meals (Poles eat a much larger lunch than dinner), if you drink gas water, if you routinely cook Polish food at home, if you are always forgetting English words and fill in the gaps with Polish words (the more English you forget the higher you score in the missionary test), etc.

So, I'm just posting today to officially announce my candidacy for pres...oops, wrong speech. I'm announcing that I have officially preached in Polish. I was encouraged by my friend and pastor Tomek to give it a whirl and surprisingly, it went pretty well. You see, Polish is a beast of a language. Its barrage of changing endings (for both verbs and nouns) wreaks havoc on most peoples' minds...just think of trying to wade through about 150 ways to say "go"! And what took me all of about 1 year of Spanish to do took me over 3 years of Polish...and that's with 2 years of daily instruction and living with three Polish kids!! It's really crazy.

But now I've made it. I guess I'm in the club, however I'm still waiting for my decoder ring. Maybe it's time to make a change...start drinking the nasty gas water and swap our meals. Or maybe we're not quite ready...I don't know. Big decisions.

Amazing how we can miss the point of it all, isn't it?! It is hard to be a missionary. Of course it's hard to be anything but life, in general, is difficult and challenging. I just wish we could find other ways of feeling good about ourselves that don't create ridiculous scales and hierarchies that only tend to strain relationships and keep us from experiencing the kind of community and comradery that we could have together.

Well, I think this ends my morning of cynicism and sarcasm. I'm going to get a glass of water.

If I were a celebrity...

I would be asked to give my opinion on everything...even issues that are completely over my head.

I would make zillions of dollars just for being beautiful me...even though "beautiful me" is just a fabulous plastic surgeon's artistic creation, like a sculpture that is never really completed.

I would have multiple marriages and be referred to by others who use part of my name along with part of my spouse's/lover's name (ie Brangelina). My current partner would be my soul mate...that is, until I found my next one.

I would complain loudly about injustices such as people always wanting to take my picture. That is a true social injustice!

I would campaign to end poverty before heading to the spa for a $5000 total body treatment and then back to my $2million mansion (no, not the one in Beverly Hills...the one in Malibu).

I would be able to go to any country, nod toward any kid, and have the adoption wrapped up in time for me to get back on the plane with my child that evening. I know it takes years for all of "you"...but I'd be famous!

Those are a few of the things I'd do if I were a celebrity. Sounds wonderful doesn't it? [GAG!]

Posting of late

You know, I sat down here yesterday, energized to write. I banged out a few paragraphs about something interesting I read in Organic Church. I was spell-checking and ready to post when *bam*...the power goes out. Post gone. The power was out for about 5 hours unexpectedly. I like how they do that sometimes here in Poland.

I honestly haven't felt like writing lately. I think that all of the waiting...patience and endurance building...has gotten to me again. This for sure isn't the first time. Maybe each time it takes a little bit longer to get me to this point...the point of exhaustion. That said, maybe the endurance building is actually working!

If you're curious, we still don't know anything. We jump each time the cell phone rings (don't know why the case worker and lawyer only call us on that phone) or when we see the mailman heading up our driveway (thinking he has a letter notifying us of an upcoming court date).

We have decided to try to let go of whatever perception of control we felt we had before. No calls for updates. No SMS's. Just waiting and trusting that God reigns. That's easy to type but not always so easy to live.

Well...this wasn't too bad for someone who said he didn't feel like writing lately. Guess there are a few words ready to hit the page in there after all.

We miss you all!

Saga update...you know which saga

Remember my post about waiting? Well we've been led straight back to the "waiting place" (a la Dr. Seuss) to spend some more time with the other chumps who've been hanging out there.

I received word today that the court has sent our documentation to the first agency to get their "official opinion". This is the one that sent the ugly, baseless note several months ago...AND YES...the same agency that told our lawyer they would not change their stance.

The point, as I understand it, is to have their official opinion in writing. It's obviously not enough to tell someone over the phone that you feel this way or that. It must be an official document which the court, incidentally, has asked for quickly (whatever that means).

So...the waiting place...for people just waiting...pull up a chair and have a seat!